red (:

Sometimes I'm too tired to move.

I want to be in a warm cuddly bed with a warm cuddly body.

Bah.

LAAAAME

I'MSOLAME. OHMYGOD.

I remember the day I fell in love with you.

I remember that day.

I don't know the dates, or the exact conversation.

but I fell in love with you on your couch.

Laying down, the two of us squished somewhat comfortably on that little leather thing.

I was on the inside, and like most of the time, we were facing each other.

You said something, and I smiled.

and I all of the sudden was completely and madly in love with you (not that I wasn't falling before then).

I became so nervous that I was literally shivering.

so nervous.

sweaty palms.

fast heartbeat.

I wanted to tell you so bad.

but I was so afraid that you wouldn't feel the same.

and so, I spelled it out, in sign language. 

a few times.

and when you asked,

I told you.

I remember that the first time I said it, you didn't say it back to me

and I was so scared that you thought I was some stupid young girl who had misjudged her feelings.

I felt like crying. but I didn't. 

I left, but I knew, positively that I loved you.

accompished

I worked out today.

literally.

sweat dripping off my face.

then took a great shower.

and then I learned how to braid my hair! 

whooooop!

this life is anything but perfect.

Sometimes, I'm terrified that things like this don't last forever.
That I'm going to lose the person that I love more than anything.
and I don't want that.
it scares me sometimes.
because things seem so perfect.
and we get along, so well.

I'm just wondering what's going to go miserably wrong.
because, let's be honest, life has a way of throwing huge obstacles at the most blissful of moments.

fuck this early morning shit.

The alarm I set on my phone goes off.  My eyes snap open and then I almost immediately close them.  I groan with displeasure.  It is way too early to be dragging myself out of bed.  I sit up, hitting my head on my celing and lay back down.  I mutter a curse under my breath and rub my sleepy eyes with balled fists.  Streching my legs to touch the opposite wall, I consider the day.  

Lots to do today.  I groggily jump down to my desk and then one more little hop to the floor.  After collecting my toothbrush, hairbrush and other items, I head to the bathroom. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I'm astonished that I don't look like death, becasue I certainly feel like it.  

Walk, or rather stumble back to my room, manage to stab my contacts into my eyes.  I decide that it's not too much of  a hassel and try to manage to put some upper eyeliner on. Mistaken about the hassel, my hand is not corrdinated enough to make cute smooth lines. My makeup is clumpy, but I'm too tired to take it off and try again. I just leave it. I look at myself again, just to make sure I don't look like I applied my makeup on in a drunken stupor.  My eyes are drawn to the two red blothes that have made a temporary home on my neck.  I almost decide to cover them, but I realize that the attempt would be futile.  Whats a hickey on a college campus anyway?

Get dressed. Putting on skinny jeans also happens to be a hassel in the morning, but I do it anyway.  Time is running short, and I know it's cold outside, but I have no time for sneakers.  Flip flops it is.  I regret the decision about 10 feet from my dorm room.  My toes freeze over and I feel like I've landed in Antartica.  No time to go back, I just have to keep on treking.  

Walk to Golisano. Walk up steps.  Go to class. 

I'm confused at first because no one is there at first and I'm never the first one there.

Someone shows up.  Neither of us can figure out the lights, so we just sit in the dark.

Quietly, I think to myself "fuck this early morning shit."