On self esteem and growing up

I have grown up in a world that is shallow.  Media demands perfection, has demanded perfection my entire life.  When I was younger, it was about who had the coolest new items; now it is about what size pants you can fit into.  I'm sure that my loving boyfriend, father and friends have watched me have a multiple breakdowns about my weight, my size and the fact that I am NOT a size four and probably never will be.

I was told, maybe indirectly, that being myself was NEVER good enough.  Ironically, I was told that being unique and being myself is what I should do, but only if it pleased others.  After all, I am a girl.  I am here to be aesthetically pleasing to the boys that never gave a damn about me.  

Even other girls are judgemental, even myself.  I was picked on when I was younger because I had no choice in the clothes I wore.  Two popular girls decided that I was going to be the target to their "popularity".  They pulled my skirt up only to expose what they laughed at as my "granny panties".  TO my knowledge, 10 year old girls weren't exactly wearing thongs yet.  

My point, is that, people tell me I have no reason to have self esteem issues. There are days that I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror without hating every inch of what I see.  I get told that I'm "beautiful" but I have a very hard time believing it when the girls that actually get looked at are girls that watch every calorie and will never reach a size larger than 6.