Procrastination. Hmm.

This Canvas of Mine.

I cannot even begin to explain the amount of tattoos I want! I know that tattoos are still very frowned upon, but damn, I love the one I have. I want more! Tons more! Oh, sometimes I ponder the idea of becoming a tattoo artist myself, but I don't know.

I'm tired of "traditional" beauty. I want tattoos so my body can portray my stories, my life.  I want to be interesting when I die. I don't want to be a blank canvas that has no meaning. I'm going to burned up, anyway, but I want to be a living, walking canvas for as long as I can.

The only thing tattoos prevent me from is keeping my regular tanning schedule, but the time off is completely worth it. (on a side note, I am getting tanner, it's quite nice. That will be a post for later!)

Choices.

College is one hard decision! I have three options, (well technically two) and I don't have a clue where to go. I love art, I live art, I want to create art, but I also want a stable job along with that. If I got to Hartwick, I'll double major in Art and Business Management, and if I go to Alfred State, I'll major in Architecture and minor in Art.

Uhg. :l

Peace, finally.

I've never been more at peace with my past these past few days. It's such a nice feeling, to be relieved of all the bad that has happened, I feel like I could fly! There's been less memories on my mind, and so much less pain. It is absolutely lovely, and I hope it stays this way until the next time things fall apart.

I've come to the conclusion that change, no matter how scary, can turn out to be good in the end. Sometimes it just takes a long time to get there. Avery, very long time.

Artist I'm really feeling today? Etta James. Mmmm yes, please!

Dear me, 4?

Boys are stupid.

Just stop looking, please? This whole thing sucks.

Blah.

I'm not always the most beautiful person.

But I love who I am.

Best friend SWAAAAG.

She puts up with me, and this is what make her my best friend.

I'm madly in love with a mad man.

Shit.

Took me by Surprise.

Had an interesting conversation last night with this guy that I know.

Wasn't sure what to say when he told me he loved me.

Wasn't sure if I could even speak after that.

Wasn't sure what to say after he told me he wanted to try a relationship.

It's exactly what I wanted him to say, after months of seeing each other,

yet it scared me beyond belief.

I haven't been in a relationship with anyone I really wanted in almost a year.

I don't even know what to do, besides be flustered and clueless.

I've got a few months to think about it, I guess.

This is tricky.

If I could tell you.

I'd tell you how I get nervous seconds before parking my car in your drive way,
I'd tell you how I hold my breath when you kiss me.
I'd tell you all of the things I think about, but get to flustered to speak when around you.
I'd tell you how I enjoy being next to you,
and how I think it's cute when you kiss my forehead.

but I can't tell you any of that, I can't even find the words to say.
If I could tell you, I'd tell you that I'm crazy about you.

There are times...

that the more I hear about you, the more I just want to punch you in the face.
Asshole.

VIRGINNNNIAAAA.

With my best friend, to see her lovely boy Jason.

Warmer weather = a happier Allison.

pictures later. :3

There are things...

There are things in this life I don't understand,

like the search for yourself and the presence of man.

Why some animals sing and others will roar,

why some people are never satisfied with more.

Things like love that cause happiness and hurt,

soup.

Constellation.

I wish I were a constellation.

Floating aimlessly above the atmosphere of earth,

suspended from the ways of the world.

I'd be beautiful to everyone below me,

shining like everything's fine.

I wish I were a constellation,

everyone admiring my beauty,

but no one ever hurting me,

because I'm so withdrawn from others.

Constantly burning, but only half

the people would know.

I wish I were a constellation,

seeing a new place everyday.

Being surrounded by others just as brilliant,

just as bright.

I wish I were a constellation.

Well..

Lost the Mock Trial by only a few points, by a very unfair jury. But, it is what it is, we may have our chance again!

Off to have dinner with my Mom, horray!

(Garcias? I think so. Nom Nom Nom!)

Mock Trial Today.

Going to Lawyer it up at the Wellsboro Courthouse today, in front of a judge that I've been in front of many times. Excited and nervous, I hope I do good! Public speaking isn't my best ability, but you can be damn sure that I'm going to try.

FFFFFF. If we win today, against Mansfield, we go on to .. districts?

Wishin' myself luck, because nobody (hardly anybody) reads this :P

:3

Easier to dream than act,

to hope than to find out,

so fearful of the force of fact.

I wait in fear filled doubt.

But now the day of love has come

and I must cross it's lines,

and so I ask you through this poem

To be my Valentine.

This is the cutest darned thing ever, not the whole thing, and I won't say who wrote it, just in case. It made my day, I hope he knows that!

giraffe love.

Did I even mention I love giraffes?

Well, I do.

Teaka named him Bruce.

I sleep with him and another giraffe that I named...

Giraffe.

:3

My goodness, I'm pathetic.

Charmanders are red. Squirtles are blue. If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Your smile is stronger that of a Hyperbeam. Like Jesse and James, we make the perfect team. I'll stay by your side like Pikachu and Ash. I'll love you more than a level 80 Rapidash. You're more legendary than a Zapados, Entei, or Mew.But out of all 450 I choose you.

There's like 600 now, but it is of no matter! (<3)

AWE :'3

Mystery Meat

As I'm eating my pathetic dinner tonight, which is ravioli's in sauce, and I'm wondering what kind of meat they use. Then I realize that I have no idea what kind of meat I could be eating, or even what part of the animal I'm eating. Truth is, I really just don't want to eat a cow's rectum, or a pig's brain, and I certainly don't want to eat anything human.

#disgusted

Valentine's Day!

So, today was as bad as expected, but it could have been worse. It's my first Valentine's Day that I was single in awhile and all, but my bestfriend was lovely and made up for it <3 She brought me a stuffed giraffe, and some pops. I also got the sweetest poem from a boy that I've gotten in a long time. Super, duper cute. Plus a rose! (Two more to add to the collection since I dry and keep all roses.)

Ah. Mock Trial is tomorrow, and I am a lawyer. We shall see how this goes, and hopefully, I don't mess it up terribly like I expect.

[If you expect the worst, you'll either be pleasantly surprised or just right.]

Bestfriend Promise:

Here lies a promise that I will never break,

I will stand by you, and love you, and dry your tears when you cry.

I will never let someone off easy after making you feel like shit,

and I will do my best to make you smile when you frown.

I promise to mentally break the nose of any guy who breaks your heart without reason,

and I promise to always listen when you have words to say.

I also promise to never add salt to the French Toast, again.

I promise to laugh with you about the silly things that happen.

I hereby promise to play Zumba with you,

even if I feel stupid while doing so.

(because you and I both know that I can't move my hips in any way and make it look good)

I always promise to be your best friend, no matter how much time,

or distance life has put between us.

Hopefully some artful inspiration today!

I get to go see Sebastian and Melissa in Mansfield today, and that makes me excited. Maybe I'll stop to see Chelsea, and maybe get her to go horseback riding. Today should be a good day, no? (:

Just some art.

Whoop.

So, the Calc test I've been worried about wasn't hard. Pretty sure I only missed one little part. Comp II still sucks, but I've gotta write, I guess. I'm pretty excited! I get to go see someone today, and that will hopefully make me smile! (:

Ahhhhhh. It's the weekend<3

Dear me, 3

Really? Stop giving a damn about what other people think. You are who you are, and if you're happy with that, then others don't matter. You've got to realize that other people who talk shit are people who are jealous. Focus more on the people who lift you up, not bring you down.

Damn. We've gone over this before.

Tattoo = love.

Well, there it is, credit to Carl Hesse! I love it, besides the pain. It's gorgeous. (:
Don't mind the chub (winter has been harsh!), or the tape marks!

Calling:

I'm calling you down; out of your dreams,
I'm calling you down, closer to me.
Not knowing where you went, I cried out for you.
There was not an answer, just the deepest shade of night.

There isn't much to say,
not today, anyway.
rhyming sucks.
I don't like poems.
Fuck.

!%#@$

and many other choice words! My tattoo artist's exact words were "Even I'm not stupid enough to get my side tattooed." Damn. That hurt! But, it was worth it, I think. Another week, and I'll be good and healed. And, luckily, I had one of my friends there to distract me from the pain of it.

There is one thing I've learned: I prefer outlining, not coloring. EVEN MORE OUCH!


Ahh, happy day.

Tomorrow.

It's so terribly close, and yet, so far away. Freaking out? Yes. Considering not getting it done? No.

It's going to hurt very badly. Silly me for choosing my rib cage to be tattooed.

Dear me, 2

I know it, you're dying to get out of this town, and away from here. The boys here are either all taken, gay or druggies with no life. There's got to be something out there that has better options than this tiny little town. Just remember, college isn't too far away! Just... a horrifying 5 more months until you can be freed of this place. Well, technically, about 7. But you'll be 18 in about 5 months, and that's pretty pointless. UHG.