I'm in trouble

You know those fights that you start where you know it's stupid
and then you keep fighting about it
even when you know you're overreacting
but you don't want to look like a crazy overprotective significant other?
And even though you feel bad you can't help but keep making terrible comments
until it gets completely out of hand.

I'm excellent in that area.

I don't believe in coincidence.  

I believe that every little thing happens for some specific reason. 

That people die to make others realize how wasteful they are with life.

That some people become crazy, that some people are born crazy.

I like to believe that every little thing that goes wrong is supposed to happen.

To make us stronger, smarter and wiser.

I believe that meeting you wasn't a coincidence.

You make me braver and smarter,

and sometimes angrier than I ever have been,

and you make me learn from all the little things

that go wrong.

Maybe fate,

at least the concept,

is ridiculous.

But I think fate had something to do

with you and me. 

Because without you, 

as a person, there are parts of

me that would have been lost 

in my most recent and difficult trials.

and I can't thank fate enough for that.

I do not think there is a universe where I can exist without you.

Just wanted to say that Doug Draper is the best boyfriend ever and I think he's great. :)

Good for me

There are a lot of things that are bad for me in this life.  Some of them are inevitable, some are by choice.  Sometimes, the situations in our lives can seem like bad things when they turn against us.

You, of all people, are not bad for me. You are the opposite of terrible for me, as a person.  You are good for me.  You make me stop and realize that it is not all about the big picture. That there is more to the story than the end result, and for that, you are good for me.  Happiness wasn't easily found before you. That makes you good for me.  You make me laugh and remember that the world isn't all that bad.  That makes you good for me.

Fact is, you're not bad for me, you've never been bad for me.  I don't think I could love a person like I love you if you were bad for me.  

coffee

I crave you like the coffee that keeps me awake,
and it is very unexplainable.
In the same way, you linger
your taste on my lips;
a bitter memory of a burning flavor.

Sleep.

I enjoy laying next to you while you fall asleep, 

watching your breathing calm and your face relax.

Often it makes me smile because when you're sleeping;

you appear younger and more peaceful;

much like a child.

little connections.

There are so many things that makes a person an individual. 

Each person's senses and personality make them completely unique from every other human being in existence; and if you were to really stop and think about it, all of those combinations are mindblowing.

At the same time, it's great that everyone can enjoy a multitude of various things and be friends with people who don't like all of those same things simutaneously.

If I were to describe to you my best friend, I would tell you that she is gentle and soft.  She loves to dance and used to love volleyball.  She likes the smell of roses and thinks that a blue rose is the prettiest of all flowers.  She likes the color blue and enjoys horses and fictional books about creatures that are undiscovered (and likely unreal about this world).

On the other hand, if I were to desribe myself in comparison to what I've said about her I would say that I am awkward and quiet hard-headed.  I love to draw and would rather kick a ball with my feet; rather than my hands.  I love the smell of lilacs and I adore sunflowers.  I am partial to the color purple, but I also love horses.  I enjoy the same books she does.

In many ways, my best friend and I are nothing like each other.  Often, our beliefs clash and we disagree with the other's thoughts. But the little things that are similar between us hold us together; which is probably the same with every relationship I have in life.  It's simply ironic that the little connections in life hold all the people together; little connections that mean so much to some and then mean so little to another.  

Interesting News

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything of great value or meaning and there are many world wide events happening that I think are pretty interesting (or at least important.)

Of course I'm going to the New York Times, because that's where I always go to learn about current events that are occurring around the world.

• Riots in Turkey have caused a great uproar in the news recently. The Turkish people seem to be rioting against their government and have caused a vast unrest among the country of Turkey.  Here's a more recent article. -> Turkish Riots

• A art piece, in form of a play, called  "Roadkill" is making headlines about the terrors of human trafficking.  If you don't know about human trafficking, you're not living in the present.  It is a large and ever growing problem in the country and around the world.  Here's the article from the NYT  -> Roadkill

Here's some facts about human trafficking according to the Polaris Project

• 27 million people are "modern-day" slaves around the world
• 70% of any women that gets abducted into trafficking is involved in the sex trafficking "industry."
• Here's a sad statistic: The average age that a person enters into prostituions is between the ages of 12 to 14.

So long, Hartwick.

With my first and only school year at Hartwick college coming to an end, I find it relatively easy to reflect on what a great time I have had here; despite its difficulties. First, I have met some amazing friends and people, in general. My roommate is one of the most inspirational, fun and beautiful human beings I have had the pleasure to meet. Abbie, despite our few falling outs, is also one of the few people that made Hartwick a great experience. My work study boss, Gary, along with a few friends from work, made my first college year incredible and I'm so happy that I got to meet such happy and positive people. It will be sad leaving Hartwick, but it is certainly my place back home. Memories will never fade and I can honestly say that(even though I have said multiple times that I hated it here) these memories; the nights out, exploring a new town, an amazing road trip and spring break; will always make me smile. With that, I suppose it is so long to Hartwick on Wednesday and a happy goodbye to Oneonta.

"I know how you feel."

No, actually, I have no clue at all how you feel.

I have no idea what it is like to be you or to understand precisely how you feel.

I have never experienced anything quite the same as you have.

Telling you that "I know how you feel" is similar to say that I know how a bird feels when it is flying in the air (that is, after I've flown in a plane.)

But do I really know how a bird experiences flying?  Not at all.  I can imagine what it might be like and how it must feel, but I can never truly understand what it is like to be a bird.

Why?  Well, because of something called a "consciousness."  Surprisingly, even with advanced modern science, humans have no way to measure a conscious state of mind.  Sure, I can understand how someone else's body works in a physical manner.  I can even understand what part of the mind experiences pain.  But I cannot experience that persons pain and react the exact same way, in regards to consciousness, as they do.  

Revloution-Revalation

I think that your first love is especially hard to get over in a lot of ways.  In my case, those ways are like a lot of other people's first loves. You loved them, or you think you loved them.  In some cases, you gave way too much for way too little.  In my case, you love a person that isn't who you thought they were.  In any case, moving on from a first love, especially one where you are not in any type of control of your own self, is a difficult task.

I try to think how long it's been since things went bad way back when, but I always have to tell myself it isn't worth it.  But there are always little reminders. A necklace that you can't throw away because it signifys a little more that a relationship. A ring that you hold on to, even though it is broken.  Memories that don't fade with time.

Is it worth holding onto those things?  No, probably not.  

After a lot of time and a lot of thinking, you think I would have put the past behind me.  It's hard to do.  Someday, it will happen.  There will be a day where I don't look back and cringe with disgust; at myself and the other person.  Today is not that day.  Tomorrow doesn't look so good either.  But someday.

Luckily, I have someone in my life that helps me get through the bad memories.  Someone who helps me understand that my past certainly does not define me in any manner; that someone else's opinon of me does not affect me as a person.  He helps me move past the anger, the sadness, the insecurity that I have because of the past.

Am I over my first love?  You bet.  
Am I over the emotional damage that happened?  Not quite yet.

I'm empty like the beer my mother drank before she really thought it through.
Empty like my brother's heart, who seems sad beyond control.
Empty like the house my father will sleep in, because he can't seem to keep a relationship.
Empty like my emotions because I can't hold everyone together.

Your memory haunts me
like a ghost of winter
in the beginning of spring.
there is still a bit of cold
grasping at your throat.

The words you use
to speak to me
echo in my mind
and I have to remind
 myself that it is
over now.

That you are something
of my past
something I did not
want to remember
but every year,
like spring,
I do remember.

I remember that
you were not the person
I thought you were.
That I have to constantly
remind myself that
I am good.

That I am good enough
for someone
not just a piece
of dirt on the ground.
Not your punching bag.
but sometimes,
I can't forget.

I can't forget that
helpless feeling of
not good enough
and I can't forget
your smirk when you
thought you won.
like spring.

But summer will come.

Skinny Love -

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

Body change

I know this is a bit personal, but it's only been two weeks and I'm already seeing my body change! Adjusting my diet to eating a bit more salads and a bit less sweets and throwing in at least a core workout are really helping.

OHFEST8

This past weekend was OHFEST, held by Hartwick and Suny Oneonta.

It involved closing down mainstreet for the day and holding a free concert at night.

The Ready Set was the featured band and I believe that the opening band was "Outasight"

Sadly, I didn't stay to see The Ready Set but did have an amazing day with my roommate and another close friend.  All three of us voluntered in the morning for OHFEST8 and had a great time. (: 

One Day Without Shoes

April 16, 2013 was TOMS "One Day Without Shoes" event to help raise awarness at the health and life risks for children who are not fortunate enough to own a pair of shoes.

Today, I decided to go with the challange of not wearing shoes.

It was difficult, especially because it rained.

however, I realized how for granted my shoes are to me, and how much my feet hurt at the end of today.

Visit the website to learn more about the project.

Moments

In these moments, laying with you, I feel as if every obstacle I face isn't that bad. That anything that comes my way, I can conquer. As long as you're by my side.