red (:

Sometimes I'm too tired to move.

I want to be in a warm cuddly bed with a warm cuddly body.

Bah.

LAAAAME

I'MSOLAME. OHMYGOD.

I remember the day I fell in love with you.

I remember that day.

I don't know the dates, or the exact conversation.

but I fell in love with you on your couch.

Laying down, the two of us squished somewhat comfortably on that little leather thing.

I was on the inside, and like most of the time, we were facing each other.

You said something, and I smiled.

and I all of the sudden was completely and madly in love with you (not that I wasn't falling before then).

I became so nervous that I was literally shivering.

so nervous.

sweaty palms.

fast heartbeat.

I wanted to tell you so bad.

but I was so afraid that you wouldn't feel the same.

and so, I spelled it out, in sign language. 

a few times.

and when you asked,

I told you.

I remember that the first time I said it, you didn't say it back to me

and I was so scared that you thought I was some stupid young girl who had misjudged her feelings.

I felt like crying. but I didn't. 

I left, but I knew, positively that I loved you.

accompished

I worked out today.

literally.

sweat dripping off my face.

then took a great shower.

and then I learned how to braid my hair! 

whooooop!

this life is anything but perfect.

Sometimes, I'm terrified that things like this don't last forever.
That I'm going to lose the person that I love more than anything.
and I don't want that.
it scares me sometimes.
because things seem so perfect.
and we get along, so well.

I'm just wondering what's going to go miserably wrong.
because, let's be honest, life has a way of throwing huge obstacles at the most blissful of moments.

fuck this early morning shit.

The alarm I set on my phone goes off.  My eyes snap open and then I almost immediately close them.  I groan with displeasure.  It is way too early to be dragging myself out of bed.  I sit up, hitting my head on my celing and lay back down.  I mutter a curse under my breath and rub my sleepy eyes with balled fists.  Streching my legs to touch the opposite wall, I consider the day.  

Lots to do today.  I groggily jump down to my desk and then one more little hop to the floor.  After collecting my toothbrush, hairbrush and other items, I head to the bathroom. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I'm astonished that I don't look like death, becasue I certainly feel like it.  

Walk, or rather stumble back to my room, manage to stab my contacts into my eyes.  I decide that it's not too much of  a hassel and try to manage to put some upper eyeliner on. Mistaken about the hassel, my hand is not corrdinated enough to make cute smooth lines. My makeup is clumpy, but I'm too tired to take it off and try again. I just leave it. I look at myself again, just to make sure I don't look like I applied my makeup on in a drunken stupor.  My eyes are drawn to the two red blothes that have made a temporary home on my neck.  I almost decide to cover them, but I realize that the attempt would be futile.  Whats a hickey on a college campus anyway?

Get dressed. Putting on skinny jeans also happens to be a hassel in the morning, but I do it anyway.  Time is running short, and I know it's cold outside, but I have no time for sneakers.  Flip flops it is.  I regret the decision about 10 feet from my dorm room.  My toes freeze over and I feel like I've landed in Antartica.  No time to go back, I just have to keep on treking.  

Walk to Golisano. Walk up steps.  Go to class. 

I'm confused at first because no one is there at first and I'm never the first one there.

Someone shows up.  Neither of us can figure out the lights, so we just sit in the dark.

Quietly, I think to myself "fuck this early morning shit."

Sunday night bummmmers.

College is still good. Got to spend the weekend with my boyfriend, which was amazing.

It was only 10 days since I'd last saw him, but it felt like forever.

Gosh. I don't know how I don't die.

He's... like a necessity. More than two weeks and I think I'd die without seeing him.

haha.

Felt like Writing.

                   It's Monday morning and my breathe makes little clouds that wisp away from the second they touch the cold air. For a moment, I wish I could lie in the comforts of my warm bed instead of going to class, but I'm already far enough from my residence hall that the thought of going back was invaluable to me. I keep to myself today, not saying good morning to the people coming back from breakfast.  I usually look at the ground anyway.  It just seems safer to keep my eyes fixated on the cold concrete than to make eye contact.  That does indeed seem quite dangerous, especially for a Monday morning. I don't have to walk too far this morning, so my mood isn't affected by the chill of the late September air.  For added affect, I'm carrying a thermos of hot peppermint tea, which is keeping my hands warm. 

                 The thermos makes me smile as I look down at it, considering to take a sip, if I dare test the hotness of the liquid inside. It's cute, and maybe a bit childish in design, but I adore it.  Both for the fact that my mother gifted it to me as a warming present, and because it is themed after her favorite cartoon,  Snoopy.    It's not the most beautiful thing, but it makes me think of my mother. It makes me miss her, as well.  I pass a slow traveler as I make my way to class, and I feel as if I'm on the highway, passing cars that are slowing me down.  She doesn't seem to mind, because in fact, she says nothing to me and keeps walking on her way to where ever she may be going at eight o clock in the morning.  

              I don't mind early classes, because hardly anyone is out and walking around.  Plus, the morning sunrise is especially beautiful here in the fall.  Today, two clouds seemed to split two heavens above the earth.  It was glorious in some terms, but it was short lived.  In the time it took me to walk to class, the lower clouds had disinegrated into the far off mountains, creating a mist that made them seem even farther away.  

best Thursday ever.

Look at all that cuteness.

I was such an odd looking little thing.

and since I'm sharing pictures, here's the Freshman class at Hartwick, all 500 of us.

blah blah blog.

It seems like it has been awhile since I've actually blogged.

Well, here it is. 

a blog post.

Pretty much about nothing at all.

Internet was down Saturday, so I couldn't really be super productive about anything.

Read some stuff.

Mostly sat around all day until I got ready to go out.

Which also sucked.

Every party got busted, so that night was literally... a "bust."

Haven't been sleeping much, and this picture came across my tumblr.

oh yes. although, I haven't been drinking a lot of coffee because it makes my stomach all sad.

On the brightside of this splendid Monday morning, my wonderful boyfriend is making the trip up to see me, which will be nice.  Even though I have classes. Bleck!

So, that's that, I guess. 

cut up

 I don't care how out of date cut up shirts are.

I love this! it's lovely.

Plus, it was great fun cutting it up.

Hmmm.

Working with Charcaol

yuck, yuck and more yuck.

I love and hate charcoal at the same time.

It's wonderfully messy, and fun to smudge and blend.

but it's hard for me to get the lines I want.

and I always, always always mess it up with the edge of my hand.

Bah.

Today is just kind of crappy

and. 

I look bad and should feel bad about it.

You would think I would try to at least look somewhat attractive.

but no.

I don't even feel like trying xD

curly hair? 

yes please. <3 p="p">

You.

I know that I'm not perfect. 

and you're not perfect either.

I'm sure that our relationship is far from perfect in some people's perspective.

but you know what?

You're absolutely perfect for me.

and I love it.

Every second I get to spend with you is the most amazing moment I've ever had.

It's weird for me to look back a year ago and think about how I didn't "need" anyone.

I wasn't looking for anything.

from anyone.

But you came along, and admittedly, I didn't want to "be" with you.

Not with anyone.

but somehow, you managed to make me care about you.

and then fall madly in love with you.

and then fight it for the longest time.

and then it just was.

I don't know why.

or how.

but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I wouldn't change anything about it.

truth is, babe, I'm madly in love with you.

everything about you.

I honestly can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't stumbled upon you (because that's kind of exactly what happened..haha)

I'm yours. 100%.

Distance and Relationships.

I'm in college, he's at home.

It's only a two hour drive, yet it seems so far.

So far away, but so close at the same time.

I keep hearing people say, that long distance relationships hardly ever work out.

Especially in college.

and I just keep thinking to myself, "maybe they just weren't trying hard enough to make it work."

Because how hard can it be with today's technologies?

Skype, facebook, texting, calling.

the only part that isn't there is physically being with your other half.

and that can be difficult, sure.

but it's not unbearable.

People just don't know how to make things last anymore.

I feel like most just give up when times get rough.

I also think people underestimate the power of just trying.

good day, eh?

Today was good! 

Japanese!

So, I went to a hibachi grill for the first time ever last night. 

Literally, probably one of the best meals that I've had in a long time!

It was such a nice place, although I doubted its outside appearance.

And I have to thank my wonderful boyfriend for it!

It might even become one of my favorite places to eat!

mmmmm, I had chicken...teryaki? It was scrumpcious. 

And these delicious shrimp dumplings, oh, god.

I even attempted eating a little with chopsticks

(although, I wasn't any good at it)