Boy time.

I get to see this lovely person I know tonight.

Ahhhhhh.

<3

Heard you were back in town.

Heard you were back in town.

Thought about it for awhile.

Then thought about a quote I once heard. It went something like this: "Just because you miss someone, doesn't mean you want them back in your life, it is just a part of moving on."

Then I remembered that I really don't care.

Hmmp.

Ballerina

I'm going to see a ballet tonight with my wonderful mother.

On that simple thought, I always wondered why my father never put me into a dance class. I mean, I was a young girl, and I dunno, most little girls love ballerinas.

When I asked him why he never did, he replied "Allison, I tried, but you refused. You always said you hated those pink frilly things." 

This came as no surprise to me. I hate the color pink, and I also strongly dislike frilly things. 

This is why I am no ballerina. :)

brown :3

Before and After! :3 

So, my natural color happens to be this cute dirty dark blonde. I also happen to be really pale in the first photo, but of course, that was before I discovered the ways of the tanning bed.  I also look a creeper in all photos that I take of myself.

I think I prefer the tanner, darker haired me. I think I look pretty damn cute.
Plus, that necklace broke a week ago, but not one fuck was given.

I'm watching you :O

Just a lil' hypothetical story.

There once was a girl, and let us say her name was Rachael. She grew up in a small town, went to a small school.  Rachael wasn't the most beautiful girl around, but she did have a plain beauty about her. Now, let us imagine at a certain time in this story, Rachael was about 17 years old.  In fact, she was almost 18.  She is a senior in high school who is very much looking forward to college and the rest of her life.

She's a normal teenage girl.  Rachael wears make-up, she goes tanning, she dyes her hair, she goes out with friends and she's a fun-loving soul.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  She even happens to believe in love, even though she was severely hurt by someone she thought loved her.  So yes, if you're wondering, Rachael is wary of love and the lies that come with it.

She; however, was not prepared to become infatuated with an older boy that she knows.  Of course, at first, it was nothing but infatuation, and of course, after some time had passed, let us say... 8 months, infatuation turned into adoration.  She knows that this guy isn't good for her, and she will be going to college soon. Mind you, these two aren't "dating" but in some way, shape, or form, they are together. Rachael knows that things should be simple as leaving him behind and starting over, but she fears that she can't do such a thing without hurting herself.

And so, she is faced internally with the conflict of whether to keep seeing him, or to altogether leave him behind and pretend he never existed.  The problem becomes even stickier when I mention that this boy has said a little three worded trap. You know, those "I love you" words.  Now, Rachael hasn't decided yet whether or not he means it, but if he does, she knows people will get hurt on both sides.  She isn't sure she's ready to be hurt again, or to even hurt somebody.

The other problem?  She knows no matter what, she's gonna get hurt. Rachael, whether she likes to admit it or not, is in love with this boy.  In fact, she has no control over the feelings she has for him, and that little detail scares the living day-lights out of her.

Dyed.

Dyed my hair yesterday.

Hehehehe.

Not quite sure if I'm diggin' the dark brown yet, but it looks alright. :3

23

23.

It is my favorite number.

It is my lucky number.

It is my soccer number.

It also has other past meanings that mean nothing now.

It is the day of my graduation party.

I do not know why I enjoy the number so much, but I certainly do.

:3

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me.

Boy couldn't get a hold of me to tell me he loves me.

sends me message on my xbox instead.

Certainly made me smile. :)

l-o-v-e (something I shouldn't be able to pronounce.)

If I were any more naive and silly and stupid,

well, I'd be nothing but an antelope. 

Freakin' Fuckin' Flippin' Shit!

I tried convincing myself otherwise.

I tried talking to other people.

I even went on dates with other people.

Nothing worked.

The only reasonable idea that I can ponder is that I'm madly in love.

and I had no choice in the matter.

ah.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Also, why the hell do spiders decide to house themselves in the shower?! Why not the dark corners of living rooms, where no fear can be driven into me?!

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. goose.

this week be messy, yo!

sorry, sorry, sorry. 

It's been beaaaaauuuutiful outside and I have been more focused on chillin' outside.

Anyways, last night was St. Patrick's Day, and of course there was a party that needed to be partied.

Woke up.

Felt like shit.

Woohoo!

So. 

Hmm.

Yup.

Talk later, says my brain.

feet say I must go outside.

Bye :3

100 days, 100 facts - Day 88.

I have terrible mood swings sometimes.

Especially when I'm around my father.

Also, R.I.P Iva. I wish I could have said goodbye before you left us. I'll miss you.

90-89.

I'll get to these. Been busy. :x

100 days, 100 facts - Day 91.

Something about myself:

I don't believe in myself.

especially in my own self beauty and worth.

People tell me I'm beautiful all the time, and I guess I just don't see what they are seeing.

I judge myself harshly; there are many things that could be changed to make me better.

things that I could change.

things like my hair;

It's natural color is light brown, and right now it's dark mahogany. (or was, it has faded a bit)

things like my eyes;

Don't get me wrong, I adore my brown eyes, but sometimes I am very envious of my mother who is graced with beautiful blues.

things like my body;

I'm not fat, by any means, I just have a little extra lovin' in some places that there doesn't need to be.
(a.k.a my arse and legs.)

things like my stupid comments;

They're not funny, even when I think they are.

asdfjkl;

This describes everything, perfectly

100 days, 100 facts - Day 92

I've finally decided on a college, unless of course Drexel replies back with an acceptance letter.

If they do not; however, I will most certainly be attending Hartwick College. I might have already posted this fact, but I really, truly and honestly decided that for a fact today!

The thing about me today is that I'm trying to get my lazy butt to run, everyday.  I want to be in shape, and I want to look good!  Not to mention that if I ever have dreams of playing any sport (whether it be for the college's team or intermural) I have to start running.  This is terribly hard for me, not only because I lack the will power to keep running when my legs or feet or lungs give out, but also because I like to be lazy and do nothing.

Meh.

I need a new pair of sneakers.

100 days, 100 facts - Day 93

Late night post - yes, please!

Let me start with saying that today was a beautiful day! I went on a lovely hike with my awesome father, and got to splurge on my artistic side.  Plus, is was warm enough for me not to wear my winter coat, or any coat at all, for that matter! 

Onto the more important thing of the post - When I was a little girl , my father would wake me up on nights that had a full moon.  The two of us would sit forever and look at the stars and the moon together.  My father always told me that a full moon, is a love moon, and to this day, I still refuse to call it anything but that.<3

(Last night happened to be a love moon, if you're wondering what made me think of this!)

(obv. not my picture.)

100 days, 100 facts - Day 94

Fact 94 - I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I believe in second chances.

This usually causes me to get hurt in the end, very badly.

But I suppose it's something I can't help.

100 days, 100 facts - day 95

I love yogurt, that's a fact. 

"Smoke weed, eat yogurt" (;

It is a more interesting fact; however, that I will only eat rasberry and strawberry yogurt.  I prefer fruit on the bottom, but any kind will do!

100 days, 100 facts - Day 96

Finally finished my calculus test today, and started a new lab. Ick! (They're not that terrible, thank goodness).  In art class, I've been working on a paper mache mermaid...she looks... deformed, to say the least.

On the more important note, my fact for today is that I enjoy horses.  In fact, enjoy isn't even the word for it.  I adore, love, respect, admire and a whole plethora of other words.  Not only do I love looking at them and being close to them, but I also enjoy riding.  I don't ride as much as I'd like, but plan to start doing so again once the weather gets better.  

100 days, 100 facts - Day 97

Calculus kicks my butt! I had a test today, which I haven't finished yet, but I'm pretty sure I've failed miserably. Hah! "On the bright side", I am also writing a paper for ACE COMP II that is going to get a terrible grade. I just couldn't get into the paper this time!  What have I done to myself in my senior year?! 

Something you should know about me...I adore brown eyes. I have brownish eyes myself, but with a hint of green.  I think brown eyes are incredibly gorgeous. Don't get me wrong, other eye colors are fine.  Especially a certain pair of blue eyes. (:

100 days, 100 facts - Day 98

Day 98 - Senior Superlative Pictures were today. Sadly, I did not know about them, and did not bother to put on any make up whatsoever. Nor did I put on cute clothing. Took the picture anyway, and of course, as always, I was voted most artistic girl.  

Enough about my boring day at school!  Something about me...Today, I suppose I will tell you what I fear the most.  There are many things that I am terrified of, but I wouldn't bore you with that list.  I will give you a few; however, and even in list form:

• The dark, and whatever is in the dark.  This fear became more real after watching the first paranormal activity movie, and The Crazies. I sleep with multiple nightlights.

• Spiders. Especially spiders in my shower.  This fear isn't as bad as it used to be when I was younger, since now I can kill them myself.  (I used to make my Dad do it for me!)

• Throwing up. Yuck, do I even have to tell you why this is one of my fears? I hate it.

• My most recently developed fear is being chased up the stairs.  I'm not sure where this came from, but it happened suddenly.  I cry now, when someone does it to me. 

100 days, 100 facts - Day 99

There are 99 days left until I graduate (not counting graduation day!), and so, here is my 99th fact about myself.

I simply adore hot tea, especially on a chilly day like today!  I haven't yet explored my inner tea master, but soon plan to do so.  So far, my favorite tea is peppermint tea.  I am also very partial to chamomile tea, which is equally relaxing.  

On a side note, I do like other teas, not just served hot!  For instance, I adore any Peace Tea, green tea or black tea! (Earl Grey....yum!)

Love or Hate

From Now Until June -

I will be doing something... interesting. More or less to keep me blogging, I suppose. I'll be posting something about myself everyday, something I learned, something I love, something I'm not good at, something I'm great at.  Maybe it'll be about my noticing of a small bird, who knows.  I also suppose that it is more or less for you guys to get to know me? (:  

March 4th  -  So, for my first entry.....drum roll, please? I am a silly little 17 year old girl who is irrevocably in love with somebody who might possibly feel the same. (probably not.)

Pooh and Piglet.

Must Share.

                                       

  

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Ralph Waldo Emerson is my favorite poet - as he is my mothers. The reason I mention him is because for ACE COMP II, I have to evaluate a poem. The poem I chose is "Goodbye"  I'm sure that some of you are like "Whoa! That's easy!"  but, for me?  Oh no, it is not easy! I'm not good with picking apart essays or poems or speeches.

Sometimes I wonder why I put myself in situations where I have to continually do work, while most of the other seniors decided to take super easy classes.  Hmm.

Fake.

You call me fake,

because I tan.

You call me fake,

because my hair isn't natural.

You call me fake,

because I wear makeup.

You call me fake,

because I smile when I am sad.

You call me fake,

because I can't always take my own advice.

You call me fake,

because I hide my feelings.

You call me fake,

because you can't see why I do the things I do.

Where Are You?

I'm sinking, it seems.

I'm falling, yes.

I've never been so sick in my chest.

Where are you?

I need you here, to catch my stumble.

I need you here to catch my fall.

The road is dark and twisted ahead,

there is nothing to see but my very own dread.

I'm sinking, it seems.

slipping and sliding,

constantly colliding,

through wretched thoughts and feelings.

Where are you?

My life is made up of unreal beings.

The first day of March.

It rained! Hooray! And if it's March, that means I only have3 and a half more months until I graduate and turn that big 18! :3  Not that I can do much after I turn 18. I suppose I could buy cigarettes, but I don't smoke them, so they'd be useless.  I can; however, get tattoos without my fathers permission, and get piercings, too!  This makes me excited. Senior Year is almost done, finally! <3

Lilac.

Mom bought me a lilac candle the other week. 

It smells like... well, lilacs.

but reminds me of happier times.

Hmm.