I want to scream.

I don't understand addiction.

I don't understand how it works and why it can control so much of someone's life.

Like honestly, I can't believe that my very own mother would fall back after just being great for a month.

After doing all this work.

Spending all this time thinking.

And not once does she think of the consequences that she not only puts on herself, but her daughter as well.

I'm angry. That's my first emotion, I think.

Then sadness, thinking maybe I could have changed something.

maybe then a depressed feeling, wondering where the hell things are going wrong.

Sometimes I just want to say "I'm done with your bullshit"

but I can't do that, she's my mother. 

My flesh, and my blood.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to be strong when I was never taught how.