First Semester.

It is almost the end of my first semester in college and I have to say that it is certainly not what I expected.

The classes are not as hard as I was told they would be.

The social scene is not what I thought it would be (but then again, I go to a very small, private college).

but I've made a few good friends that are really great.

I lucked out on my roommate and that was something I was really concerned about.

My relationship with my boyfriend back home hasn't fallen apart, and I'm grateful for that, everyday.

My relationship with my parents is less stressed than it used to be, and that is also something I am thankful for.

I have also conjured a relationship with the lady who cleans Anderson everyday.

I only see her every other day, but I always stop to talk to her.

She is incredibly sweet and always talks about the weather.

She hates snow.

Her name is Mina, but I'm not sure how you would pronounce it.

(Meeeena? or Miiina)

Either or, I like her very much.

I have taken to drinking my coffee with creamer and hardly ever drink it black anymore.

I always feel like my Econ professor is always directing most of his conversation and lecture to me.

Maybe it's because I hold eye contact instead of being distracted.

Or maybe it's because he thinks I look odd.

We'll never know.

I think I may have a slight case of overachievement issues.

For example, today, I have an art history quiz that I would be able to skip, because she throws out your lowest grade. (in essence, you can take the first five and skip the sixth without it hurting your grade) 

My lowest grade is a 18 and a half out of 20.

Which is a 92.7? or 92.5.

Either way, that's pretty decent.

But I thought, if I could do just a little bit better on my last quiz, I could throw out that other one.

In other news, there is a dance show called Orchisis going on in Slade Theatre that I have to set up for and I'm also looking quite forward to seeing the show. It's free, so I might as well, you know?

Seems like I need to post more often so my posts aren't quite so long.

Going out?

Sure.

sunshine.

Today, I took the chance and sat outside for a bit because it is absolutely gorgeous out.
There is sunshine and it's mildly warm.

It makes me miss summer.
and reminds me that I don't want winter to come.

You.

There are times that I look back and wonder how in the world I got to be with you.

The beginnings of our relationship are like a dream to me.  Fuzzy moments and moments of happiness.  

Some parts were like nightmares, I was confused and not sure where to go or what I wanted.

And yet, out of everything, I seem to have no recollection of how I came to be with you in such a short time.

It is no lie that I wanted you from the beginning.

I mean, I really wanted you.

I think part of that was fear of being alone.

and other parts were part of wanting a rebound.

but most of it was the fact that I really liked you.

for a lot of reasons.

You're smart and funny.

and gorgeous beyond all means.

Besides that,

things and time have moved so fast.

Sometimes it feels like I just met you, at that party.

and sometimes it feels as if I've known you for ages. 

I've loved almost every minute of it. 

Of us.

I used to wonder if a relationship that started the ways ours did can really make it.

can really develop into something more than lust and longing.

But it can, and we do. 

We just work together for some unknown reason.

Somehow, I found you.

even under circumstances that may have not been great.

and I'm glad for that.

I have my moments..

I've never been happy with my body. 

There is just so much that could be different and better.

I've dreamed and dreamed and dreamed of being perfect that I often lose track of what really matters.

I always forget that healthy is good and too skinny is bad. 

I always want to strive for the too skinny.

I want that. 

I don't want to be an average weight.

Fuck.

I used to wonder

I used to wonder where the hell I fit in to all of this crazy mess that people call life.

and I've recently realized that there are three types of people in this world.

Those who need acceptance. (they try to damn hard)

Those who naturally fit in. (a seemingly natural people person)

and people like me, who usually just float. (usually.)

I don't have a place. I don't have a select "clique"

I like people who are nice

they don't have to like the same things.

they don't have to have the same views.

I'm just a floater.

I go along with whomever is around at the time.

I'm friends with anyone who would like to be friends.

and... I guess there is nothing wrong with being a floater.

red (:

Sometimes I'm too tired to move.

I want to be in a warm cuddly bed with a warm cuddly body.

Bah.

LAAAAME

I'MSOLAME. OHMYGOD.

I remember the day I fell in love with you.

I remember that day.

I don't know the dates, or the exact conversation.

but I fell in love with you on your couch.

Laying down, the two of us squished somewhat comfortably on that little leather thing.

I was on the inside, and like most of the time, we were facing each other.

You said something, and I smiled.

and I all of the sudden was completely and madly in love with you (not that I wasn't falling before then).

I became so nervous that I was literally shivering.

so nervous.

sweaty palms.

fast heartbeat.

I wanted to tell you so bad.

but I was so afraid that you wouldn't feel the same.

and so, I spelled it out, in sign language. 

a few times.

and when you asked,

I told you.

I remember that the first time I said it, you didn't say it back to me

and I was so scared that you thought I was some stupid young girl who had misjudged her feelings.

I felt like crying. but I didn't. 

I left, but I knew, positively that I loved you.

accompished

I worked out today.

literally.

sweat dripping off my face.

then took a great shower.

and then I learned how to braid my hair! 

whooooop!

this life is anything but perfect.

Sometimes, I'm terrified that things like this don't last forever.
That I'm going to lose the person that I love more than anything.
and I don't want that.
it scares me sometimes.
because things seem so perfect.
and we get along, so well.

I'm just wondering what's going to go miserably wrong.
because, let's be honest, life has a way of throwing huge obstacles at the most blissful of moments.

fuck this early morning shit.

The alarm I set on my phone goes off.  My eyes snap open and then I almost immediately close them.  I groan with displeasure.  It is way too early to be dragging myself out of bed.  I sit up, hitting my head on my celing and lay back down.  I mutter a curse under my breath and rub my sleepy eyes with balled fists.  Streching my legs to touch the opposite wall, I consider the day.  

Lots to do today.  I groggily jump down to my desk and then one more little hop to the floor.  After collecting my toothbrush, hairbrush and other items, I head to the bathroom. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I'm astonished that I don't look like death, becasue I certainly feel like it.  

Walk, or rather stumble back to my room, manage to stab my contacts into my eyes.  I decide that it's not too much of  a hassel and try to manage to put some upper eyeliner on. Mistaken about the hassel, my hand is not corrdinated enough to make cute smooth lines. My makeup is clumpy, but I'm too tired to take it off and try again. I just leave it. I look at myself again, just to make sure I don't look like I applied my makeup on in a drunken stupor.  My eyes are drawn to the two red blothes that have made a temporary home on my neck.  I almost decide to cover them, but I realize that the attempt would be futile.  Whats a hickey on a college campus anyway?

Get dressed. Putting on skinny jeans also happens to be a hassel in the morning, but I do it anyway.  Time is running short, and I know it's cold outside, but I have no time for sneakers.  Flip flops it is.  I regret the decision about 10 feet from my dorm room.  My toes freeze over and I feel like I've landed in Antartica.  No time to go back, I just have to keep on treking.  

Walk to Golisano. Walk up steps.  Go to class. 

I'm confused at first because no one is there at first and I'm never the first one there.

Someone shows up.  Neither of us can figure out the lights, so we just sit in the dark.

Quietly, I think to myself "fuck this early morning shit."

Sunday night bummmmers.

College is still good. Got to spend the weekend with my boyfriend, which was amazing.

It was only 10 days since I'd last saw him, but it felt like forever.

Gosh. I don't know how I don't die.

He's... like a necessity. More than two weeks and I think I'd die without seeing him.

haha.

Felt like Writing.

                   It's Monday morning and my breathe makes little clouds that wisp away from the second they touch the cold air. For a moment, I wish I could lie in the comforts of my warm bed instead of going to class, but I'm already far enough from my residence hall that the thought of going back was invaluable to me. I keep to myself today, not saying good morning to the people coming back from breakfast.  I usually look at the ground anyway.  It just seems safer to keep my eyes fixated on the cold concrete than to make eye contact.  That does indeed seem quite dangerous, especially for a Monday morning. I don't have to walk too far this morning, so my mood isn't affected by the chill of the late September air.  For added affect, I'm carrying a thermos of hot peppermint tea, which is keeping my hands warm. 

                 The thermos makes me smile as I look down at it, considering to take a sip, if I dare test the hotness of the liquid inside. It's cute, and maybe a bit childish in design, but I adore it.  Both for the fact that my mother gifted it to me as a warming present, and because it is themed after her favorite cartoon,  Snoopy.    It's not the most beautiful thing, but it makes me think of my mother. It makes me miss her, as well.  I pass a slow traveler as I make my way to class, and I feel as if I'm on the highway, passing cars that are slowing me down.  She doesn't seem to mind, because in fact, she says nothing to me and keeps walking on her way to where ever she may be going at eight o clock in the morning.  

              I don't mind early classes, because hardly anyone is out and walking around.  Plus, the morning sunrise is especially beautiful here in the fall.  Today, two clouds seemed to split two heavens above the earth.  It was glorious in some terms, but it was short lived.  In the time it took me to walk to class, the lower clouds had disinegrated into the far off mountains, creating a mist that made them seem even farther away.  

best Thursday ever.

Look at all that cuteness.

I was such an odd looking little thing.

and since I'm sharing pictures, here's the Freshman class at Hartwick, all 500 of us.

blah blah blog.

It seems like it has been awhile since I've actually blogged.

Well, here it is. 

a blog post.

Pretty much about nothing at all.

Internet was down Saturday, so I couldn't really be super productive about anything.

Read some stuff.

Mostly sat around all day until I got ready to go out.

Which also sucked.

Every party got busted, so that night was literally... a "bust."

Haven't been sleeping much, and this picture came across my tumblr.

oh yes. although, I haven't been drinking a lot of coffee because it makes my stomach all sad.

On the brightside of this splendid Monday morning, my wonderful boyfriend is making the trip up to see me, which will be nice.  Even though I have classes. Bleck!

So, that's that, I guess. 

cut up

 I don't care how out of date cut up shirts are.

I love this! it's lovely.

Plus, it was great fun cutting it up.

Hmmm.

Working with Charcaol

yuck, yuck and more yuck.

I love and hate charcoal at the same time.

It's wonderfully messy, and fun to smudge and blend.

but it's hard for me to get the lines I want.

and I always, always always mess it up with the edge of my hand.

Bah.

Today is just kind of crappy

and. 

I look bad and should feel bad about it.

You would think I would try to at least look somewhat attractive.

but no.

I don't even feel like trying xD

curly hair? 

yes please. <3 p="p">

You.

I know that I'm not perfect. 

and you're not perfect either.

I'm sure that our relationship is far from perfect in some people's perspective.

but you know what?

You're absolutely perfect for me.

and I love it.

Every second I get to spend with you is the most amazing moment I've ever had.

It's weird for me to look back a year ago and think about how I didn't "need" anyone.

I wasn't looking for anything.

from anyone.

But you came along, and admittedly, I didn't want to "be" with you.

Not with anyone.

but somehow, you managed to make me care about you.

and then fall madly in love with you.

and then fight it for the longest time.

and then it just was.

I don't know why.

or how.

but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I wouldn't change anything about it.

truth is, babe, I'm madly in love with you.

everything about you.

I honestly can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't stumbled upon you (because that's kind of exactly what happened..haha)

I'm yours. 100%.

Distance and Relationships.

I'm in college, he's at home.

It's only a two hour drive, yet it seems so far.

So far away, but so close at the same time.

I keep hearing people say, that long distance relationships hardly ever work out.

Especially in college.

and I just keep thinking to myself, "maybe they just weren't trying hard enough to make it work."

Because how hard can it be with today's technologies?

Skype, facebook, texting, calling.

the only part that isn't there is physically being with your other half.

and that can be difficult, sure.

but it's not unbearable.

People just don't know how to make things last anymore.

I feel like most just give up when times get rough.

I also think people underestimate the power of just trying.

good day, eh?

Today was good! 

Japanese!

So, I went to a hibachi grill for the first time ever last night. 

Literally, probably one of the best meals that I've had in a long time!

It was such a nice place, although I doubted its outside appearance.

And I have to thank my wonderful boyfriend for it!

It might even become one of my favorite places to eat!

mmmmm, I had chicken...teryaki? It was scrumpcious. 

And these delicious shrimp dumplings, oh, god.

I even attempted eating a little with chopsticks

(although, I wasn't any good at it)

Classes

My classes start tomorrow! I'm excited, and at the same time, I'm nervous.

I have Intro to Business in the morning, then FYS: Drawing later.

Two classes isn't too bad, I'd say. 

I've had to read a million things for ITB, but it's whatever. 

Plus, I got a lovely message at 5, after the library closed, that I needed to print stuff out. Looooovely.

On a good note, I got to see my super duper boyfriend last night and today. 

I missed him, so much! Finally got some cuddle time that was well needed.

Now I have to wait forever to see him.

uuuuuuhg.

200 posts, and so many include you..

I love you.

You're on my mind almost every second of every day.

You're amazing and great and all the other words I could use to describe how I feel about you.

and I miss you. I know it's only been a few days, but it's beginning to feel like forever since I've seen you.

You're one of the most important people in my life,

and I feel like now, more than ever, might be really hard.

But I believe in this shit, and I can't wait to see how the future spans out over the next four years.

Moved in.

I'm pretty sure I look like I'm incredibly tired.

Mostly because I am.

I'm all moved into college now, and I'm dreadfully missing all of everything.

If that makes sense.

I didn't think I'd miss everyone so much!

Especially my bestfriend and my boyfriend.

I cannot wait to see both of them.

and... I don't know how long that will be.

but I'm hoping not long..

Fffffffff

I'm slowly making friends, but, it's completely outside of my comfort zone.

Classes start Tuesday 

last day home.

dyed my hair auburn.

going to college.

last day home.

oh,

damn.

:)

n

So, even though I've spent almost all summer with him, I feel like it's ended all too quickly.

Sadly, I have to leave for college tomorrow and I'm going to miss everyone terribly.

Especially Doug D: 

Honestly. Best. Boyfriend. Ever. 

EVER.

and since I know youre going to read this like, 5 minutes after I post this:

:)

Pika Pika?

Honestly? 

I love pokemon, and I still play as an 18 year old girl.

Fuck it.

D:

I'm going to miss my room. Waaaaaah!

10 days. It's nuts. Oh god.

Haven't even started packing.

Big City Dreams

I think that every high school graduate that has stayed at the same school for the entirety of their school career, wants out.  Out of their parents house, out of their high school and out of their town.

I think this is especially true for anyone who grew up in a small town.

Specifically, I'm speaking for myself, and my friends.  I've known the same people for the same 10-17 years of my life.  I want out of here, this town.  Along with my father house.  He's grumpy and mad at me all the time. I can't stand it.  

I have to admit, though, I will miss Millerton, at least for a little while. How can I not? My family is around the area, not to mention my boyfriend, whom I'm not exactly excited about moving away from.  And my best friend is staying here.  That's scary, but I think I'm more excited to go away than I ever have been before.  

Just some photos

Now, I'm no professional photographer, but I think these turned out pretty nice.  Some are edited, some are not.  I'm pleased with the results.

 

 

Hmm.

This seems familiar. (:

Puppy!

On the brightside of all things today, we added a new member of our family today!

Her name is Lilly! 

We were told she is a Beagle Lab mix, and she is only 3 months old.

She's really playful and very cute.

fuck!

Wanted to go the Mall today so I could hang out with Jamie.

Until I checked my bank account balance and saw that I was in the fucking negatives. 

I freaked the fuck out.

I was so angry! I bought a laptop through Hartwick College's plan and they charged me twice for something.

Too bad that something was an almost 900 dollar charge.

How nice, right? 

So, now my plans are ruined for the day.

I have no money,

oh, and I still owe about 9k to Hartwick.

Fuck me, right?

24 days.

That's it. Twenty four days and I leave for college.

That's almost a month, and it seems like it should take a long time,

but I know that it's going to fly, especially since I've been working five days a week.

I finally got my classes, and I'm quite excited about them. 

Two art classes, 

one art history,

one business

and one economics class.

I'm not sure why I haven't gotten any general ed. classes, but I guess I'll find that out later.

I know I'm excited for college, and also terrified. 

I used to be really worried about leaving this place.

and then I became worried about leaving the people.

and now I'm just worried about leaving a certain few people.

FFFFFFFFF.

Irrelevant title here, please.

I haven't blogged in forever, it feels like.

It feels like I don't have anything to say here.

Maybe that's why I haven't posted.

I don't know. 

Most of the time, I'm either tired and confused or grumpy.

It's possible that the only time I'm actually in a good mood is when I'm with either of my other halves.

(Best friend and boyfriend, in case you were wondering.)

It seems like high school ended, my family issues have gotten worse.

On both ends.

My mother is worse than a fish in water,

and my father is become as distant as a badger.

so, that's that.

Just Some Conversation

Tyler Woodposted toAllison Watkins

June 4

i believe it would be rather fitting to converse with one another like gentlemen for the remaining days of our educational semester. it would be a splendid way to express our superior intellects :3 good day madam

14 · 

• • 
    

    Allison Watkins Kind knight, I agree with your proposed statement. We shall battle the encampments in the narrow streets of Williamson together for a small time of twelve glorious days.
    

    June 4 at 8:41pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Allison Watkins and indeed, we shall converse in language that will enrage our fellow kingdom servants. Perhaps they will bow down to our gracious wisdom and unchallenged beauty!
    

    June 4 at 8:44pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Tyler Wood and when the sun dawns on the morn of the thirteenth day. victory shall be ours!!!
    

    June 4 at 8:44pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Allison Watkins And good sir, we shall be entirely victorious in our methods! As time passes though, I am terribly frightened to acknowledge that we will be eloping to our own journies to find new kingdoms and awaken the knowlege inside of our hearts!
    

    June 4 at 8:47pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Tyler Wood but in seeking this knowledge that lies in the deepest valleys of our hearts, we will find wisdom. and any wise scholar knows that life's paths will always intersect with the paths of those who have journeyed beside us, so fret not my dear friend.
    

    June 4 at 8:51pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Allison Watkins As should it be so! Should our paths cross in the near or distant future, warm welcomes will you always be greeted! I should hope that you send letters through our carrier pigeons, dear sir! Take heed, for mine of't become lost and travels off course.
    

    June 4 at 8:54pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Tyler Wood the beauty of these birds is not in their ability to deliver the words that our dear friends scribe, but in their ability to always return home. and just like our animal companions of the avian sort, we will always return to our homes, and in returning to our homes, we shall also to return the ones who have accompanied us on life's journey, our friends.
    

    June 4 at 8:58pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Allison Watkins I fear you have spoke the truth!
    

    June 4 at 9:00pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Tyler Wood ah, the truth is much worth fearing, for it always speaks of which we do not wish to hear.
    

    June 4 at 9:01pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Allison Watkins Indeed, it sometimes my delicate soul to hear such dreadful truths!
    

    June 4 at 9:06pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Tyler Wood true wisdom is earned through the acceptance of the truth, but it is the lies that make the perilous journey of life bearable, as long as we do not entangle ourselves in the webs they create.
    

    June 4 at 9:12pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Allison Watkins Brethern, I tire of speaking, tomorrow, we shall continue this admirable conversation.
    

    June 4 at 9:12pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Tyler Wood i shall be waiting t continue this delightful discussion, until then, godspeed on your mind's journeys while your physical being slumbers.
    

    June 4 at 9:14pm ·  · 1
  • 
    

    Allison Watkins May the odds be ever in your favor as you transverse the landscape of your dreams. Until we speak again, friend.